Who am I?

Who am I? Who are we? We are all the same boring creatures living on this earth, this blue sphere. Or is it really? It is always hard to describe someone. Even harder, almost impossible, to describe ourselves. Maybe since I hate being put under spotlights, as if I was special… But I will write on myself, yes I will, because that’s what is asked from us: students, rubber clones, and simple numbers.


First, what do I like. What makes me breathe, what makes me live. What I love most is a simple fall day with orange coloured leaves, a poetry book, a white paper, a pencil and a great 70’s album (hopefully Dylan). Oh, and I almost forgot the oversized comfy sweater! What I like to read: French classics such as Cocteau, Maupassant, Baudelaire, De Musset and many more. Other than that, contemporary writers give me the shivers when they have the right approach, the right angle. I also like to write (in French). I write feelings, instants of purity, short stories, poems, and pieces of ‘’nothing’’ who go through my neurones and are projected on the white peaceful paper. Music is another of my interests. A great song brings you where you have never been, it makes you feel what you have never felt, it makes you smile, makes you want to scream, makes you want to change certain situations. The artists who inspire me, and get to my stone heart are Bob Dylan, The Doors, Neil Young, The Beatles, Arlo Guthrie, Bright Eyes, Cat Stevens, Coco Rosie, David Bowie, The Dresden Dolls, Eric Clapton, The Guess Who, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Johnny Cash, The Knife, Bob Marley, The Kooks, The Mama’s and the Papa’s, Modest Mouse, Nirvana, Patti Smith, Pink Floyd, Radiohead, Ray Charles, Rufus Wainwright, Supertramp, The Velvet Underground, The White Stripes, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and so many more. I also like to listen to Quebecer songwriters, always full of imagination, originality and sensitivity. I have never seen such pure concentrated talent (without preservatives) anywhere else in the world than in my own back yard, my home, my country: Quebec. My favourites are Pierre Lapointe, Karkwa, Vincent Vallières, Arianne Moffatt, Yann Perreau, Les Colocs, Daniel Boucher, Fred Pellerin, Harmonium and Jean Leloup. The last thing that brings me to another psychic happiness level is art. I love to see as many paintings, drawing, collages, installations and sculptures as I can. Museums, galleries, libraries and art stores are quiet and filled with knowledge. I am a sponge; I like tranquility, and love to create myself. I draw things, crazy things, abstract, figurative, colourful, black and white, flat or with shadows. I create what I feel like creating. I improvise and do not give myself barriers. Art is a great way to let free and react to injustice, and ''let out the evil'' (''sortir le méchant'', as would be said in my maternal language).

To continue, what are my goals? Do I even have goals? Would I know them? Why do we always have to have a plan? Why do we always have to want certain things out of life? Why can’t we just be happy in the present without thinking about the future? The future scares me. The future is too far. Some people may tell you they want a great big house, a fancy car, a family, a husband. And they may conclude by saying they will only feel fulfilled if they have all these things, all these material things, and achieved all their child-like goals that society impose. I’m not one of them. I do not know what I want out of life. The only thing I can dream of is having my own little place: a shaky Montreal apartment with crooked walls where I feel at home, where I can create in peace. Somewhere I can call mine, where I can meet up with some friends, have a drink or two, and a few cheap cigarettes. That’s all I want. A simple life filled with simple joys, where I can exploit my creativity and live free. A boyfriend and\or kid and\or worldwide trip would only be the cherry on top, the unattainable surprise.

Third, what’s my personality like? Up’s and down’s, reflections and oversensitivity describe me well. I can sometimes be very spontaneous, funny and loud with my friends and the people I am close to. I enjoy profound conversations with them, walks at night, and friendship simplicity. On the other hand, my timidity is complete when I am put in an awkward situation or when I meet strangers. This shyness gets in my way sometimes or is misinterpreted. I am also sensitive in the way that certain causes get to my bones and make me depressed for a sustainable time period. Something I have a hard time living with is the fact that something’s cannot be changed by a single person, even with will and passion, because of the stupidity of human kind. The government’s system with its search for power, profits and economics welfare is an example of human madness. The existential quests for most human beings are those goals. What we should be searching for is the balance of nature, justice and equality, an even spreading of the wealth, peace and happiness for everybody, all together with the beauty of our differences. That is part of my personality. I am over aware, and put it all on my shoulders to make a difference. But I can’t. And then I take it off on myself. This does not mean that I cannot have fun, enjoy life and its pleasures. It just means I always have these unsolved questions in the back of my head. Always. I am also very perseverant. I never give up, I always want to do the best I can, whatever the circumstances are. I am a dreamer.

To conclude, you may now know a little bit more about a certain Amani Lauriston. You may realize she is passionate about art, whether it is music, literature, fine arts or cinema. You may also notice she has an interest for the simple beauties of life such as an unsymmetrical apartment and the comfort of a yellow wool sweater. She is ambitious, yet not. She is a dreamer whose dreams are far too big for her capacity. She is simply herself, without being bothered by exterior judgment. She lives in a world where she feels like an outer space stranger. And she is fine with that. As Bob Dylan once said: ''All I can do is be me, whoever that is''.