REVISING AND EDITING: Part B

My purpose in writing the text is to show how irony is present in ''The Story Of An Hour'' of Kate Chopin. I want to cite examples with precise speach, so that the readers can undertand irony better, and be able to recognize it in teh future.

I use this type of introduction : Definition (of different types of irony), because it is a type of introduction I am comfortable with, and I felt like I could get the reader's interest that way. At the beggining, you are unsure of what these words mean, and then, you realize it is different forms of irony. I thought it would be interesting...

This is a suggestion for improving the introduction or having a more effective one:

In paragraph 1, the thesis statement or the main idea of the text is... Irony is very present and well inserted in ''The Story Of An Hour'' by Kate Chopin.

This is a suggestion for improving the thesis statement or having a more effective one:

The topic sentence in -
paragragh 2 is ... There is none.
paragragh 3 is ... ''Not only are little aspects of this story ironic, but the main plot is also very surprising.''
paragraph 4 is ... There is no 4th paragraph.

The supporting points (paraphrased) I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... Three examples that show irony : 1) She does not have a heart attack when her sister announces the death, but does when she discovers her husband is alive. 2) She did not want to open the door. When her sister forces her, the man walks in, and Louise dies from the visual shock. 3) The man wasn't even on the scene, and didn't know his death had been announced.
paragraph 3 is... One final example that show irony in the general plot : When she is happy and free, for the first time in her life, she dies a very short while later.
paragraph 4 are... There is no 4th paragraph.


I can add more detail in -
paragragh 2 ... By using more precise words (ex: death, husband, sister etc.) to describe the ironical situations.
paragragh 3 ... Add more transition words, without making my text too heavy.
paragraph 4 ... There is no 4th paragraph.

The transitional words or phrases I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... Then, in fact, to continue, but the fact is, also.
paragragh 3 are ... To conclude, still today.
paragraph 4 are ... There is no 4th paragraph.

The coordinating or subordinating expressions I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... About, but, and, but, and, but...
paragragh 3 are ... But, and (3 times each).
paragraph 4 are ... There is no 4th paragraph...

Here is my suggestion for improving the conclusion

I could improve the content of the text by ... Learning more on the author, so that I can put my text in a better context , with pertinent information.

I could improve the organization of the text by ...Trying to use more diversified coordination and subordinating expressions, make my thesis statement clear, make my supporting points simple, and keep in mind the basic organization of an essay.

I could improve the development of the text by ... Adding adequate details, without loosing the main idea. I could also add facts, or statistics, or something to support my idea better.

I could improve the sentence style of the text by.. (give three sentences as examples)
1) This takes place when Josephine (Louises sister) insists for the door to be opened by fear that her loved one will get sick, alone, in her bedroom. = This takes place when Josephine, Louise's sister, insists for her sibling to open the bedroom door, by fear that her loved one would get sick in there, by herself.
2) Many authors have used this rhetoric device in their work, with hope of creating pulse and discordance. = Indeed, many authors have used this rhetorical device in their work, with hope of creating pulse and style.
3) The first ironic situation is the fact that the main character (Louise)has been known to suffer heart problems. = The first ironic situation is the following death versus life criss-cross.


I could improve the vocabulary by ... Trying to find synonyms for words that are repeated. I can try to use more precise language, and use words that are less common, but still make the text understandable.

I could improve the grammar by ... Looking for all the words I am unsure of in the dictionnary. Make sure all my verb tenses are proper, with the help of a english grammar book. I can also ask a friend for help, to help read and review my text.

I could improve the spelling by ...
(...) rhetoric device = rhetorical device.
(...) death had been announces = had been announced (typing mistake).
(...) with hope of creating pulse and discordance = find another word, because this is a french word that is unclear and unnecessary in this context.
(...)suddle = sudle.

What I liked most about my first text is...The fact that I stayed in a precise mind set and stayed very simple in the organisation, with the examples, and the short introduction and conclusion.

What I liked least about my first text is... The words that kept being repeated, the phrases that were too long or didn't exacly make sense, etc.